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Fixed
Frame of Mind
By.
Dr. R. Anfield.
The color and vibrancy of life can evaporate very quickly if your self esteem
is low.
Life then offers you many opportunities to introvert, and go on an endless
internal hunt for that lost self esteem.
Low self esteem can leave you feeling cut off from the living of life, it
is a hurdle which prevents you from joining in, you know life is going on
elsewhere and this feeling compounds low self esteem.
It is the difference between a life lived and a live dreamed of. "If only
I could get a strong confident image of myself and make that a reality in
my daily life."
Those who suffer from a poor self image and low self esteem know only too
well how much of life they feel excluded from. It is not a matter of "you
never miss what you never had," the fact of the matter is that life is going
on all around you and a poor self image is a very real barrier to that.
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If low self esteem
is not addresses and effectively overcome, it will inevitably get worse and
worse as time goes on. It is a dwindling spiral, as one searches more for
the answer, one is apt to introvert more and more and thus find more things
about themselves which they are not happy with.
The point is that one is looking inward from a negative standpoint; he is
looking for things that are wrong. He will inevitably find them.
The result of this is a further lowering of already low self esteem.
Eventually, finding no answer that resolves the situation one can give up
on any thought of a resolution and come to believe that it is just the way
things are. This is actually an apathetic frame of mind which has come about
after trying to improve the situation and not really getting a satisfactory
resolution to it.
We could say that self esteem is at an all time low at that point. Seeing
no resolution, the person becomes "adjusted" to it, and that seals his fate.
Self esteem will not suddenly improve all by itself, and if the person has
become resigned to a life of low self esteem that is how it will now be.
It is the same with anything that one sees no end to. One starts to believe
that one has to learn to live with it.
But this is not really an acceptable answer. With it, one is still cut off
from the actual living of life, one is still not content with oneself, and
one is accepting less instead of striving for more. One has stopped playing
the game and there are few things which are sadder than that.
We can see that this is no small problem; it can be at the root of a ruined
life.
When we look at self esteem we are actually looking at how one sees oneself,
ones self image.
If that self image is poor, if one is unhappy with how he feels, looks, thinks,
talks, etc. we could go on an endless search for the "reasons" behind such
a feeling. We could embark upon a makeover, which would present "a new face
to the world." We could learn how to think differently and learn tricks which
condition us into not thinking negative thoughts about ourselves. There are
many approaches we could take to the resolution of low self esteem, but those
who suffer from it will soon tell you how many tricks and makeovers, and
how much soul searching they have already done.
We need to take a wholly different approach to those mentioned above to get
an actual resolution to the problems of low self esteem and poor self image.
One has to actually re-evaluate themselves. Now, by "re-evaluate" I do not
mean simply start looking at yourself in a more positive light.
Buddha said
All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
This is very true and also very complex when you actually look at it. At
the end of the day, it tells us that we are a frame of mind.
We all know that we can change our mind, and we all know that this action
alone will not bring about lasting change in ourselves. So, if the above
statement is true, how come?
If we are the result of out thoughts, how come we can not simply think of
ourselves in a different light and then be that way?
Low self esteem, lack of confidence, poor self image, lack of motivation
etc. are not simply thoughts. They are "frames of mind."
A frame of mind is actually held in place by many thoughts. As Gulliver was
held down by many thin strands of rope, so a frame of mind is held in place
by many thoughts. That is why "changing ones mind" is not as simple as it
may first seem.
When I say we must "re-evaluate," I am talking on a wholesale basis. I am
talking about changing our frame of mind. To do that, we must free ourselves
from all of the thoughts which go to keep that frame of mind in place. This
may seem like a daunting task, but procedures I have outlined in the program
called "The Complete Self-esteem Workbook," give us a fast and effective
method of doing just that.
A frame of mind is held in place, and seems unchangeable because of all of
the unseen strands of thought which go to into its makeup.
For instance, in your life, negative things have happened to you, you have
done negative things to others, you have seen others do negative things to
others and you have done negative things to yourself.
We see here four distinct levels of action and thought.
We find that a frame of mind is held in place by not one of the above, but
by a number of each of them. With this four way look, we actually start to
see things a little more clearly and can isolate some of the strands which
are keeping the frame of mind in place. If we look at only one of the above
lines of thought, we do not make an effective change in our frame of mind.
If we consider them all we start to get a little more flexible.
There are other considerations also, but here we have started to answer an
important question.
Low self esteem and poor self image are essentially frames of mind. We now
know what makes a frame of mind stubborn and unchanging. With that, we can
start to make some genuine and lasting progress.
MORE>> by
Dr. R. Anfield |
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